I Don't Want Your Botheration . . .

My horoscope this morning said I wasn't grouchy, I was just in a bad mood. The difference between 'grouchy' and 'bad mood' is too much of an exercise in Talmudic hairsplitting for me at the moment, so let's just agree that this probably isn't the day to be pointing out that my socks don't match. If I was to be totally honest this irritability is probably a reaction to staring into the darkness last night wondering if I would ever do anything even slightly above mediocre before I died; but this is an election year and total honesty has been exiled until it has learned to behave itself. Therefore, I will do what every good American would do in my situation, and place the blame squarely on 'Them.'


'Them's antecedent is, of course, purely situational; but, as always, includes everyone who is not me or someone I care about.

第一 Them:

Yesterday I was returning home on the 101. Since I was only doing 70 in a 55 MPH zone I was in the far right lane. When I passed the sign that warned the lane was ending at the next exit I put my turn signal on indicating I wanted to move one lane to the left. That, of course, caused the guy who was in that lane about thirty feet behind me to move up and block me. He had cruised along for five miles always staying just a bit behind me. Now he had to move up next to me. I couldn't speed up because of the traffic in front of me, so I slowed down a bit. He slowed down. I slowed down even more causing the cars behind me to use their brakes. Finally I was able to move over behind him.

THEN he puts his right turn signal on and moves into the lane I had been in to take the exit.

Naturally he was driving a pickup truck.

第に Them:

You see them in airports, bus stops, college campuses, Department of Motor Vehicles, 4th of July fireworks displays—anywhere large numbers of people have to wait for extended periods with limited seating. Women sitting in the middle of a large bench, or row of seats, with their purse on one side and their coat or some other parcel on the other so that no one else can sit down.

第三 Them:

After having stripped down to my boxers and a t-shirt (small children and young women have nightmares for days after I go through airport security), and being groped by some overweight security guard (I have enough metal in me that my funeral will be more of a smelting than a cremation), I finally get on the plane looking for seat 16F when some guy stands in the aisle around row 6 trying to stuff a bag into the overhead compartment. The bloody bag is big enough it would rent for ¥5,000 a night in Tokyo, but as the Marketing Representative for the South Central Region (not including Phoenix or El Paso) of Amalgamated Paper Clips & Shoe Horns, his time is much too valuable to wait at baggage claim. After ten minutes and defying one or two of the laws of physics (not to mention courtesy) he manages to get most of the bag into the compartment, and then goes back to his seat in row 23.

第四 Them:

I'm in my Honda Accord leaving a parking lot, and pull up to the stop sign at the street in the right hand lane with my right turn signal on wanting to go south. Traffic is moderately heavy. Ten seconds later a Suburban pulls up in the left hand lane wanting to turn left and go north. The person in the Suburban can easily see over my Accord, but they still pull far enough forward to completely block my view of the south bound lanes. I try moving forward just a bit. They move forward. The northbound traffic is much heavier than southbound, and I miss two or three opportunities to go on my way because I can't see the gaps in the approaching traffic.


暗く暑く大群衆と花火待つ

Dark and hot/A great multitude/Waiting for fireworks.