Sweet land of . . .

My friends have always run the full length of the cultural/political spectrum. I have known, and liked, conservative Mormons, gay Jews for Christ, Republicans and Democrats of every gradation, middle of the road Independents, born again Christians, Islamic fundamentalists, card carrying Socialists, left-wing Buddhists, right-wing Buddhists, even further right-wing atheists and everything else in between except, perhaps, an asexual, cross-dressing nihilist. The only really non-negotiable requirements I have had have been honesty and tolerance. As long as a person was truthful about their beliefs and willing to at least try to understand that my beliefs were just as honestly held as theirs, we could be friends.

Then there are the Libertarians.


At first glance the tenets of the Libertarians seem pretty basic to what most of us consider the American Ideals. They claim, in the grand tradition of Jefferson, to feel that government should not/cannot constitutionally enact any law that would infringe on an individual's personal liberties. What these personal liberties are is, in the long run, a concept that is perhaps purposely not fully defined. The tenets of the Second Amendment are the usual frontline demands. It seems that Libertarians I have known feel naked, if not emasculated, without a firearm within reach.

Now, I have been alive now for sixty-three years. At various times I have lived in and/or prowled the more, shall we say, active neighborhoods of Detroit, Philadelphia, Washington DC, and New York at all hours of the night, or morning if you want to be pedantic about it, and for 99.9999% of the time felt completely and totally safe. The times I have been most concerned about my survival have almost all been in small, backwater villages where my not driving an over sized pick-up truck with at least two rifles in the back window was an indication that I was probably some kind of liberal, Commie queer hell bent on making off with their women. The fact that I can write sentences like the last one only confirmed their suspicions. Besides having several guns handy, real men speak in three word sentences like, "You a queer?"

There are "real men" that do speak in sentences somewhat longer that three words, but they are usually trying very hard to convince you of the dastardly way the Zionists, Socialists, Liberals, Federalists. Globalists, the Catholic Church, the music business, al Qæda, Shriners, the Federal Bank and the computer programmers have all banded together and striped the country of its fundamental values.

They can concoct a conspiracy theory around something as simple as a book being available in the public library.

It is complete and total rubbish. The only purpose any of these conspiracy theories have is to provide an excuse for the person's failure as a person. He can't get a job because the Zionists control the construction trade. He is poor because the Federal Reserve has ruined money. He can't take classes because Globalists control education. He won't send his kids to school because they are dens of liberal Godlessness, and health care is an unconstitutional plot to destroy America. They feel that if you do not have the pluck and the skill to heal yourself, you should die. The resources of the country are not here to be wasted by making people healthy.

If only they were allowed to carry as many guns of the types they want, then you would see us liberal Pinko's slinking back into the woodwork. "An armed society is a polite society" is their creed. One hastens to point out little doctrinal problems like Sierra Leone, Somalia, the Taliban and the United States. These are all highly armed societies, and none of them fit the description of polite. Unless by polite you of course mean abject fear. Their only concern is the protection of their personal liberties, and your personal liberties are not a consideration. If they were you would have a bigger gun.

I have, as it happens, had guns drawn on me four times. Three of the times were by the police. I was walking down the wrong streets at the wrong time, and looked a little like the wrong person.  And once I was robbed while hitch-hiking between Ann Arbor and Ypsilanti. (The odd thing about the guys who robbed me, beside the fact that they gave me change back for my $20, was that they were fine, upstanding members of the NRA, at least according to the decal on their back window. But I digress.)

I truly think that the reason these self-proclaimed Libertarians are so adamant about carrying guns is that they are by and large pretty ineffectual at dealing with life, if not, like most bullies, complete cowards. The gun gives them the backbone to spout their dreams of returning to 1845, and we can return to those original American Ideals of bigotry; slavery; disenfranchised women; short, desease riddle lives; illiteracy; superstition; and most of all, that dearest attribute of the paranoid, complete cow-eyed stupidity.